Kübler-Ross Real Estate Digestion model – The 5 Stages

The worst thing about playing at the swimming pool as a kid was waiting for the “digestion”. Every mom makes their kid wait until the food digests. I don’t know if there was a mythical thirty-minute clock after gobbling down a hot dog, but it seemed like the wait was forever.

The danger with the swimming pool could be nausea, vomiting, and belly pain. Real estate digestion is much worse. Divorce, death… or even more horrific is a spouse never-ever-ever-never-ever letting their spouse forget why they were to blame for losing the house sale of their dreams.

Once, when we were newer residents of Florida, my wife wanted accordion hurricane shutters for the house as we had the metal ones at the time. I countered, “every year we get these scary warnings about hurricanes forming from the west coast of Africa. They all blow up north…” Instead, I had my eye on a surround sound system. I won. But then I lost. The surround sound system blew out when I was playing loud menacing haunting music for the Halloween Trick or Treaters. Over the next 2 years, the haunt was on me. Boo – three hurricanes struck!!! My wife has never ever let me forget about my choice. For years when a hurricane warning was coming, I was reminded of how much we were enjoying the broken surround sound system. I unfortunately never digested the consequences beforehand.

Now imagine if I was bidding on a house and lost that. You think the surround sound earful was bad?!? I’ve seen it happen to couples many times after one spouse blows the negotiation. Here are 5 strategies to help you digest a real estate deal in time. It not only might save the house deal, but also your marriage…and most important, the headache!

1. Inspection Report.

Buyers need to send inspection reports over to the listing agent. There is no need to even say anything but 5 little words, “Here is the inspection report.” The reason is that the seller needs time to digest. If you ask for something without time to digest, then you will get thrown up on with a comment saying something to the effect of telling you to “pound salt”.

1. The first reason to send over with only 5 words is that the listing agent will forward it to the owner.

2. Second, is that now the seller is aware of the issues. If the deal doesn’t go through, they now need to disclose it or fix it up.

The owner will go through the 5 stages of the Kübler-Ross model of Grief.

1. Denial

“Don’t they know this is an AS-IS contract and that I’m doing nothin”

2. Anger

“Tell them to go pound salt”

3. Bargaining

Do you think they will split the difference?

4. Depression

One spouse says, OMG – don’t blow this deal. Digestion at this point is running through the body.

5. Acceptance

“I’ll fix the issue! Can you save the deal?”

*Note that the Jeff Kübler-Ross model is different to the Elisabeth Kübler-Ross model that my wife, Veronica Lichtenstein LMHC, talks about. You might need her though if you don’t take my advice!

2. Digestion of the market

Sellers and Buyers don’t get the market right away. Sometimes they need to try harder. Digesting the state of the market, understanding it, and accepting it is crucial so it doesn’t cost you a deal.

3. Digestion of Loss

This is when a deal doesn’t go through. Here you need to travel in time a bit and go over future outcomes now. This helps with digesting ahead of schedule. “If I call you in a week and I told you the house sold, how would you feel?” Or, let’s say you call me in a week and ask “ is that Buyer still out there?” and I tell you “they bought something else.” If your heart drops then you didn’t digest the outcome of the possibility of loss very well. It means to not blow the sale.

4. Digestion of furniture

Sellers need to create an inventory list ahead of schedule if furniture is included. I’ve seen deals dilly dallied a day or two waiting for the furniture list. This results in over digestion of the deal and can lead to cancellation.