Montgomery Pie

The meatball parmigiana sub that my luncheon colleague was munching on looked scrumptious. Mouthwatering marina sauce, bubbling cheese, and a delicious slightly charred roll. The smell was out of this world. For me, it was chamomile tea. Blah.

When I arrived home things got worse. My Barnaby’s thin crust Chicago pizza arrived. Frozen all the way from Chicago. Irresistible but it had to go into the freezer. Instead, it was black tea. Ugh.

Then at night I turned on the White Sox game. That is when things got horrific. While the White Sox won thanks to the two young Montgomery’s, all was not good. Young Branden became the 5^th player in MLB history to hit a game winning home run in his first game. Youthful Branden also has another odd quality. He is a clean freak, and he neatens up the dugout. Always sweeping the floors and keeping towels straight and the lockers orderly. The other whippersnapper Montgomery, Colon Montgomery, has been sensational this year. You probably are thinking what is so horrific about that? For the last two years, if you read this space, you know my White Sox have set all time records for losses. Two stars are born. And so what if one is a clean freak. Every Mom would love to have a boy you could point to and say, “see how Braden cleans his room.” A whole generation of Chicagoans will now grow up as neat Nelly’s. I’ll actually be talking to my son Sam about Braden. But there is more to the story.

See, every time Colon’s (actually Colson but I kept hearing Colon) name popped up, and Branden’s cleaning of rooms was mentioned, it was a double reminder to drink my Clenpiq. Clenpiq is the drink to clean out my system for the next day’s colonoscopy. The only good part of the whole thing is stepping on the scale the morning of. Not a fun way to shed two pounds. Yuck.

Keeping a house clean is crucial to selling. I’ve scrubbed the morning omelet residue on plates when my clients never did while getting ready for showing. Sometimes frantically opening a door back and forth to air out a room. When getting a home ready to sell, here are 10 must-do tips to keep your house in order…..

1. Hire a housekeeper

This has always been a sore spot with some. Either people who didn’t have one or didn’t use one enough. Up the ante. If you are at twice a week, go to 3 times. Especially if all parties are working. Keeping a place straightened up is stressful. It results in offers, higher prices, and serves as a good marriage counselor since it keeps everyone happy.

2. Window Washer

This is a must. Bring in an outside company for higher windows.

3. Tidy Up

Here is where you need a Branden Montgomery. If you are not naturally organized, you need to start to become so. At least for the moment. This has to be done daily. Get yourself in good routines before bed.

4. Clean the primary closet

I’ve talked about this before. Empty it out. Get everything off the variety of colorful plastic hangers and onto one suede beige hanger. Coordinate by color. Upgrade the LED lighting. Make it look like you can eat off the floor.

5. Move “stuff” to the 3^rd bedroom

I’ve had people dream about views. A beautiful primary bedroom. The kitchen. An oasis bath. And a pool. But never ever did someone say, “all I want is a stunning 3^rd bedroom”. Folks – they don’t care. Take all the extra stuff and stuff it into the 3^rd bedroom closet. No one will ever open it up.

6. Landscaping

People leave out hoses and yard tools and even dead landscaping. Mow it on out.

7. Bathroom

Nobody is interested in looking at the bent thistles of your toothpaste. Or your soupy bar of Zest. Put it all in drawers.

8. Trashcans

They need to be in cabinets or the garage.

9. Kitty Litter

Put it into the garage where no one can see. I know people (My Dad) who are allergic and would never buy a home where a cat lived. One sight of a litter box and he would skedaddle like a scaredy cat.

10. Smells

Keep your home aired-out and smelling fresh. Fresh laundry, fresh flowers, and fresh baked cookies are all winners.Open windows and/or use a good air-freshener.

When your place looks fine, you’ll flush out the bad buyers and bring the good offers to the table. Then celebrate with a delicious meal. With my colonoscopy over and as all you Pennsylvanians know, I’m strangely in the mood for Montgomery Pie.