Real Estate Family Feuds

Before Steve Harvey hosted Family Feud, the iconic host was Richard Dawson. Harvey doesn’t carry on the tradition of Dawson, who always gave a big wet kiss to the women players.

Everyone today seems to have a good time on the Feud and they walk out getting their 15 minutes of fame and/or some money.

If only Real Estate Family Feud were like the game show. The most difficult sales for real estate agents tend to be the families that are feuding. No kisses there!

You know the famous ugly divorce house sales — Tom Brady and Gisele, Kim and Kanye, Jeff and Mackenzie. Think goodness Tiger kept his house!

There are five main categories of real estate family feuds, which break down as follows:

1. The Children

No, not little kids — but adult kids, some acting like little brats with full-blown temper tantrums.

Mom and Dad have passed on to a better place, and the fighting begins. The more siblings involved, the better the odds it’s going to get ugly. The rational kid(s) usually just want it sold in a normal fashion. The child who is jealous of others or perceives that life has treated them unfairly can cause endless headaches.

What I do, from an agent’s standpoint, is treat each party like a separate client if they aren’t getting along. Even if one party feels like they’re getting the short end of the stick or aren’t the designated person, they deserve communication. There won’t be so much bad blood if everyone feels they’re in the loop and being heard.

A word to you parents out there: you don’t live forever. Look at it the same way you do with your parents and observe older generations. Unexpected heart attacks happen. Suddenly, dementia develops without much warning. Write your wishes down clearly and have a defined plan to dispose of the property promptly. If one party wants to purchase the property, put together a fair mechanism for that to occur.

2. The Pre-Divorce

These are the folks who are going to get divorced but don’t know it yet. Sometimes the idea of selling the house and looking for a new one is really an undercurrent to see if the marriage can be saved.

Some will look at 49 homes to purchase over the course of a year and nothing seems to work and nothing makes any sense.

On the selling side, we had a client who turned down a full-price offer that made no sense — the seller had a 2.5-hour daily commute each way. One spouse wanted the sale, the other didn’t. I told our agent, “There’s something going on here that you don’t know, but it’ll reveal itself in a few months.”

Sure enough, the turned-down offer forced the issue of “where is the marriage at?” At that point, they were ready to sell and move to the next phase of their life, albeit separately. Often, the irrational behavior manifests later in terms of relationship status.

3. The Divorcees

Fortunately, I’ve never had many of them. I think the reason is that many of my clients were older, and while they may have been at odds, they were too old to “get split,” as they would say.

When I do have divorces, I make sure to treat both parties as separate clients, giving the same feedback and listening to both. Sometimes one party has picked me only to discover that I don’t play favorites and won’t be manipulated just because I was their choice.

Only a few were difficult. One divorced situation had both parties refusing to move their stuff out. I called every day for a week before closing. Only on the day of closing, when the buyer refused to close, did sanity click in — and it cost them a small fortune in expedited moving expenses.

Staging can be a challenge if one party wants revenge and keeps the home sloppy. I tell both parties in this situation to invest in a housekeeper to come often. If one party says they won’t pay for it, I mention to the more motivated party that it’s going to cost you a lot more in Advils and sitting on the market than if you just pony up on the housekeeping. The bickering back and forth on this subject has you acting as a pure marriage counselor as lots of the reasons why the divorce is occurring and all the hurts get exposed often in these little conversations. For me it’s a tri-combo of keeping the ball rolling, being neutral, and feeling empathetic all at the same time.

A magistrate is music to my ears as they stop all the nonsense and the ridiculous over pricing tactics or passing on reasonable offers that often come from a party who feels jilted.

I’ve also had a number of “nice” divorces where people had already accepted the situation, and were beginning to find some happiness. Some people work better as business partners than love partners.

4. The Homestead Strategist

My second client ever wanted her husband’s home sold so that the new home they bought would have her on the homestead. I hear a lot of this.

The kids are suspicious of the second marriage and don’t accept the new spouse, while the new spouse wants some sort of deserved security. I say deserved because if a couple start their life together and one party holds 100% of the cards, the marriage is bound for failure. Prenups I’m sure make sense but at some point, marriage is a partnership and I’ve seen many successful ones where the new spouse after a number of happy years of marriage has never been fully accepted by the kids. Be kind in a house sale to the party being forced to move out with a bit of generosity in time to find a new place.

Kids — it’s okay to be protective, but Mom or Dad has a life and deserves some happiness as well. Most parents are going to protect their kids’ inheritance. Even if they don’t, it’s their life. Give Mom and Dad some credit — I’ve seen a lot of hurt over the years when the new “step” isn’t accepted.

5. Split Home Buyers

This can either go wonderfully or become a disaster. Take two parties (or two couples) who decide to purchase a vacation home together. You’d better go in with a legal exit strategy.

I had one guy who was convinced to buy into a house and later wanted out, but there was no written agreement with the couple he bought it with. We’re also seeing more young friends buy homes together for affordability reasons. Someone is bound to get married first, or the situation may just not work out. Think of all the contingencies before you dive in.

We Realtors want all our parties to accept an offer when it’s a good one. Hopefully, this bit of advice helps if you’re ever in one of these predicaments or guest star on the Feud. If the survey question is “Good responses to fighting families when a reasonable offer arises? ” you can say “Sell”!

As they say on Family Feud: “Survey says… good answer!”