Loss

Last year I missed A.J. Croce as he was touring South Florida. A.J. is the son of Jim Croce and was showcasing his dad’s great folk rocker tunes. Two of his best songs are “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown” and “Don’t Mess Around with Jim.” Here are the main lyrics for those of you unfamiliar with Croce…

Bad, Bad Leroy Brown

Well, the south side of Chicago
Is the baddest part of town
And if you go down there
You better just beware
Of a man named Leroy Brown

Don’t Mess Around with Jim

You don’t tug on Superman’s cape
You don’t spit into the wind
You don’t pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger
And you don’t mess around with Jim

Both songs describe my friend Lee Varon. Lee V was a fan of the “South Side” of Chicago’s White Sox. Lee was a big, hulking guy you needed to beware of, like Leroy. And you didn’t mess around with Lee.

Tragically, Lee was killed in a car accident last week, and I spent earlier this week in my hometown of Chicago with old friends honoring him at his funeral. Everyone in our friend group was kind of unknown, and we could depend on Lee V for protection if any of us got into trouble. There was one documented case that was covered by TMZ a decade ago when a plundering fool wandered into his restaurant trying to stick up the place. Lee V put the guy in a bear hug, grabbed his gun, body-slammed him, and then sat on him until the fuzz arrived. You can watch the prowler’s leg squirm violently up and down right here from a TMZ video ten years ago. As the punk found out—you don’t mess around with Lee V.

This was the first time I have lost a childhood friend, but I have dealt with loss many times in my profession. I always liked hanging out with my grandparents and other older people, which is one of the reasons I got into real estate here. Sadly, life is not forever, and sickness and death are a part of life.

In real estate, we deal with the inevitable process of end of life and loss of life all the time. I thought this would be a good time to talk about this, as planning and knowing what to do is important.

There are lots of reasons for this including Planning, Financial, Physical, Loneliness, Emotional, Stress and Safety.

Planning

One of the most common calls we get is from an older couple planning ahead of schedule. Downsizing is important for some, as taking care of a large home can become overwhelming. If family is not in the area, oftentimes, an older couple will move back up north or downsize. Sometimes the process of deciding and planning to sell takes a year or two. That is because it’s a major life decision for some, giving up their Florida home or larger estate. It’s a change-of-life decision. But planning so one spouse isn’t left with all the burden is a subject that is worth talking over in advance.

Waiting a Year

There is a saying that after one spouse passes, the other spouse should wait a year before doing anything. Generally, that has merit, but as discussed below, not always. Emotions, finances, safety, loneliness, and stress all play parts.

Emotions

How someone dies in a home also has an impact on whether to stay or sell. My mother-in-law stayed in her home after my father-in-law passed away. He had a peaceful death at his bedside, as they did hospice at home. Conversely, if the death was surprising and one found a loved one deceased, those scenes might affect one’s senses of sight, smell, and touch. In that case, moving away might need to occur because it triggers too many memories.

Safety

The physical layout can be a death trap for older folks. Stairs, step-ups/step-downs, and lots of yard work give people trouble. The mind is sometimes ahead of the body when your frame slows down. It takes the mind time to really get that. Falls are the worst, as hitting one’s head can sometimes have devastating effects on the aging process.

Loneliness

Depression from being isolated and just sitting there watching cable news all day is not healthy. Being around others with activities is often a major happiness lift. Living alone can also not only be lonely but also a safety issue. At a certain point, it is important to set up life alerts and have someone check in on Mom and Dad once a day. It can feel like a loss of freedom, but it’s just being responsible and realistic. At times, people feel fear if they have trouble getting out of a tub and have no one to help them.

Stress

Selling a home for an older person is harder in a few other ways. Older people process stress differently. Lots of individuals who could handle loads of stress can’t handle as much as they age. Each person is different, and we all age differently. Leaning on your Realtor and family is critical. The biggest culprits are “A” personalities who are great at getting things done and want projects completed with perfection. Pacing oneself and getting help—like having a housekeeper twice a week instead of once a week—is crucially important. Be kinder to yourself and don’t rush the process of moving.

Financial

Planning to make sure money is there for cost of living and surprise illnesses weighs on people’s minds. People are living longer, and end-of-life expenses can cost a lot.

Title & Probate

Title is another stress point when there is loss. I asked the attorney at Next Wave Title, Nick Ritornato, for some advice on all of this. Here is what he said…

If a property is titled in the name of a husband and wife, and (for example) the husband dies and the wife is the surviving spouse, by operation of Florida law the property automatically passes to the wife. There is nothing else needed to confirm that. If the husband’s estate has other assets, then a probate proceeding still needs to be filed. But the specific property would pass to the wife as the surviving spouse automatically, as long as the property is titled in both their names as husband and wife/spouses. A separate issue would arise in this situation if the property were their homestead and they have minor children, but that’s a much deeper complexity that doesn’t come up as often.

As far as probate, it depends on the complexity of the estate and whether any disputes arise. The Florida probate process can take anywhere from about 3 months to 2+ years. A simple estate with no issues should take about 3 to 6 months maximum, depending on a few factors. Standard administration will likely take 9–12 months. A complex estate will likely take at least 12 months, possibly 12–24 months or longer if issues arise.

The general steps are as follows:

Filing the petition with the appropriate court, including the decedent’s will (if one exists).
Notifying the appropriate parties of the proceedings, including the personal representative (if not already involved in the petition filing), beneficiaries, and potential creditors. Beneficiaries and other parties who believe they have a right to the estate’s assets may file claims. Creditors may also file claims. Any claims filed would extend the timeline.
Completing an inventory and valuation of the estate’s assets.
Payment of any debts, taxes, etc. This may also include the surviving spouse (if there is one) invoking certain rights to the primary residence, a defined share of the estate, and certain exempt property (if not already provided for).
Distribution of assets to the beneficiaries and appropriate parties.
Closing the estate.

I’ve had a few suicides and even high-profile murders in the ritziest of country clubs, and those are emotionally grueling. I’ve been asked before if a seller needs to disclose this. Florida Statute 689-25 says not at all. The logic goes: would you have to disclose the death of a hospice patient, your dog who passed away, or a ghost? Travel to New Jersey and there you do! You can read more about this here.

Later in his life, my friend Lee V found the love of his life. He was incredibly happy with two glorious kids. Lee V, despite his tough-guy exterior, was a sweetheart with incredible wit.

Croce had another great song called “Time in a Bottle.” A key lyric goes…

Time in a Bottle

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I’d save every day like a treasure.

Lee V lived every day to its fullest, like time was precious in a bottle. It is a good lesson for us all. Rest in peace – Lee V.