House Talk

I only speak English. It’s a bad trait. Despite my attempt at learning Spanish with Paul Noble in just 11 hours, plus two years in Doc Arrazola’s Spanish class in High School, my attempts to be worldly sophisticated have been futile. However, I do talk dog and cat. After a lifetime being a pet owner, I know each distinct sound they make from Pickles the cat bellowing out a noise wanting me to throw her the ball, to the frantic whimpers of Chloe our dog wanting a bite of the pizza. Most of us with pets understand this language and talk to the animals.

The home you live in talks as well. There is an old saying that begins with, “if only these walls could talk, the stories they would tell”. Homes do have stories to tell. They don’t do it with words though but with echoes. Clatter can kill a deal and make living in your home insane. Here are 12 noises to be aware of when buying, selling, or just living in your home.

1. Creaky Doors

I just ordered a can of WD 40 on Amazon for $7.98 while writing this. Squeaky opening up of doors is so unnecessary. Your door is telling you that their bones are stiff and not feeling well. You are trying to sell the house – not put someone in a Stephen King nightmare flick. Just spray some of that low vapor pressure aliphatic hydrocarbon, petroleum base oil, and flammable aliphatic hydrocarbon and carbon dioxide propellent mixed with a vanilla scent and you will be set. I guess it’s safe?

2. Bathroom exhaust and toilet

I like homeowners to separate out the exhaust from the light switch. There should be two separate switches. It’s annoying to hear that rattle. A loud exhaust is a turnoff and says the owner used subpar materials or hasn’t kept the house up. If you have a leaky and running toilet, fix it before putting it on the market.

3. Kitchen appliances e.g. dishwasher

I wouldn’t run these during the showing.

4. Laundry room

Same here. Sometimes these applicances get temperamental and make big noises like they are furious at you. Nobody likes the laundry room so don’t call more attention to it.

5. Air conditioners

Get these serviced in a pre-inspection for starters but a noisy AC both from the inside handler and outside compressor can be a big distraction.

6. Windows

There are four reasons to have impact glass. The first is hurricane protection. The second is the look and tint which is a selling feature. The third is it will help your energy bill by keeping out the extreme weather temperatures. And then there is sound. If you live by a road or a train, I’d say it’s almost a necessity today to sell.

7. Builder Grade Doors

With more people working at home and open floor plans, solid core doors and wall insulation is becoming more necessary as Borat demonstrates.

8. Floors

Bad workmanship can be heard by the sound of creaky floors. Especially if a contractor laid planks over tile.

9. Doorbell

Your doorbell talks. If it’s too loud (lots are) or has an unfriendly chime, that is first impression.

10. Alarm beeping

Don’t even show the house if this is happening.

11. Music

I don’t like dead silence when showing a house. But picking the right music that everyone likes is key.

12. Echo

An Echo can hurt a deal. An empty room without furniture might need a rug or another solution so the house doesn’t feel cold and empty. Now just don’t confuse that with the real estate company named ECHO. I hear they are fine and excellent at what they do!