Eskimo Kiss ROI

The Eskimo Kiss and Negative Return on Investment

I have 2 crappy jobs that I must do throughout the week. One is taking Chloe, our 14-year-old Cavachon, out at 3am. Chloe wakes up in the wee(!) hours of the night and wants to go out. The other is change the kitty litter. As a CEO, I guess it keeps me grounded and I do my duty!

But one job I wouldn’t want to do is to block a Nose Tackle – no matter the pay. And neither would Drew Dalman.

A Nose Tackle is named as such because their nose is closest to where the Center snaps the ball to the quarterback. You’d think at first description with their noses so close together, that it might be a sweet thing. After all, an Eskimo Kiss is when two noses rub together. Very awwww. But Drew Dalman didn’t lovingly look at it the same way. Despite being just 27 years of age and going into the second year of a $42 million dollar contract, Drew abruptly retired this week. As a Stanford graduate, maybe he has a point.

Drew Dalman played Center for the offensive line of the Chicago Bears. A center in the NFL might be the most brutally physical job in the United States of America. First, you must keep your head down and concentrate on making a perfect snap to the quarterback. None of the fans really can see you, so there isn’t even much adulation. If you screw up the snap, then you are the heel of the team. Furthermore, while you are concentrating on the flawless snap, the Nose Tackle, usually a 385-pound dangerous and behemoth of a fella, has only one goal. Rip your nose off along with the head and get to the quarterback. Dalman played every snap of every game including two playoff games. 1,154 games and snaps of pain. Figure all the snaps in training camp and practices. Then you have to eat lots of calories and lift a lot of weights. Dalman isn’t married and doesn’t have children so he can’t even say the customary, “I wanted to spend more time with the kids”. So, now the Bears are in a pickle. They have to find a new Center, Linebacker, Edge Rusher, (2) Safety and a Nose Tackle. They only have so much money under the NFL salary cap and will have to pick their spots at what they spend. Not everything will be addressed so figuring out what dollars are spent where to give them the most wins is critical.

I get calls from people on what investments in a home get a positive ROI. Then again on the staging front. I’ve addressed many of these before. But lots of times you won’t get a good return on the investment and if on a budget like the Bears as most of us are on, you must choose what corners to cut in the budget as you can’t do everything. Here are 14 home improvements that don’t always deliver the return you might expect.

1. The 75% Rule – Don’t Do Anything That Needs Everything

If the kitchen isn’t 75% fixed up then don’t put dollars into it. Money can be spent on painting cabinets, replacing door handles, and if three of the four (75%) appliances are stainless – than and only then finish the job. I like to finish things off because people notice small holes in a job and then the ROI could be wasted.

2. Closets

Builders almost never put closets in. You’ll get some value and sanity with a well-organized built-in closet with shelving and cabinets. However, not for resale. Thinning out the closet and installing better lighting is one of the best ROI’s you can do.

3. The 3^rd bedroom

Kids have zero influence on purchasing a home. If a youngster comes to a showing and likes the house it’s often the kiss of death. Any monies put into 2^nd, 3^rd, 4^th or beyond is 50-75 cents on the dollar. However, a den is different as the principal homeowners use that.

4. Garage

If I wrote this in 2019, at the top of the list would be the roof and impact glass. That has flipped. Roofs because of insurance and mortgage reasons. Impact glass because virtually every home constructed since 2007 has it, along with lots of homeowners retrofitting old windows. Garages will still give you a negative ROI but not by much. We just did ours after 23 years. I wrote about it last year. There are more choices in shelving, cabinets, and flooring than 23 years ago. Still, I don’t think you get a 100% ROI out of it. Read more about Florida garages.

5. Pool Area

Pool costs have gone up drastically. I’d go back to the 75% rule of the house. If most of the house needs work, then a remodel of the pool area is a pass. Just pretty it up on the cheap.

6. Generator

In my 50’s I wanted a generator. It’s a peace of mind purchase. I would expect to get 50% out of it.

7. Wallpaper & Murals
Be careful with wallpaper because it peels and dates fast. It can be a negative ROI.

8. Solar Panels

You get some out of it but it’s a tough sale. The Realtor has to show charts and graphs of savings. Great idea but people are short sighted and not thinking that they will have the house for 23 years. Ugh – I should have purchased solar panels!

9. Built-ins

Part of the enjoyment of living – but don’t expect an ROI.

10. AC

Nobody will pay you a premium for the AC. They dream of the house but not of the AC Unit.

11. Water Heater

Ditto.

12. Window Screens

If these are worn, just throw them all out. If worn, they look bad and the Buyer will ask you for a credit.

13. Pool Enclosure Screens

Not insurable and the view is better without them for showing purposes.

14. Pool Heater

If broken, throw it out. The only caveat is if you have a hot tub. Then you need one. Or if you are an NFL Center. Then the heated hot tub is a must!